Deborah M. Howes, a Chartered Arbitrator and Chartered Mediator, has defined some major issues affecting condominium owners and boards and discovered a way to solving them so everybody wins. Howes is also president of the Edmonton-based High Clouds Incorporated, which focuses on seminars and dispute resolution services.

In her July 19 teleseminar “Dealing with Difficult People,” Howes shared nine practical steps that anyone can follow to identify with a difficult person. This was one of four annual teleseminars that will be held through Betty’s Condo Owners Club, the brainchild of Bernie Winter, founder and co-owner of Condo-Check here in Calgary, through her book, “10 Secrets to Surviving Life in a Condominium.”

“She gave us the techniques,” adds Winter. “For example, when people are upset and venting out all the things that are going wrong, during that phase, if you said, “Mrs. Jones, am I hearing you correctly? This is what happened?” you engage people into conveying the real issue instead of just ranting.”

A difficult person may have strong convictions, strong emotion, and take things personally. They make themselves known by not accepting your answer, arguing, asking numerous questions, and even with threats. Sometimes we’re the difficult person.

Howes’ nine tips are:
Tip #1 – “Stock up the tool kit – if we only have a hammer, we look at every problem as a nail.” Learn more about the condominium process, especially if you’re on the board. Know how the condominium act works, what the bylaws have to say.

Tip #2 – “Be prepared and go beyond the easy.” What becomes easy in a condominium scenario is when you are familiar with the problem. If you know an owner is anxious to receive the financial statements every year, they phone you 25 times, and when they get the statements, they scrutinize every figure and call you on them. Be prepared for that before you come to the annual meeting. You know what they’re going to ask, so when they ask, you respond by saying, “We were hoping you would ask that.” Diffuse it by making the person important in the meeting.

Tip #3 – “Identify the source of the difficulty.” Don’t take things personally. Don’t see them as a bad person. See them as an owner who is really concerned about something and then get to that source. Is it that they’ve had a leak and nobody’s called them? Put yourself in their shoes. Information overload isn’t always the answer. Owners want the board to assess the issue, come to a conclusion, and make a recommendation. Sometimes involving the owners at every step seems like, to the owners, the board is trying to absolve itself of the responsibility.

Tip #4 – “Treat people like people.” Everyone wants respect and to be heard. We all come from different backgrounds and have different ideas on problem-solving. We can’t make our way of dealing with it better than theirs or theirs better than ours.

Tip #5 – “Don’t make either of you victims.” Victims blame others and live in the past. Focus on solutions and not on the problem.

Tip #6 – “Acknowledge what you cannot deal with.” Mental capacity and illegal issues are a good example. Part of your tool kit is to have access to different resources. If you’re dealing with something illegal, simply call the police. Don’t go to the condo board. You can talk about how it impacts you as a condo owner afterward.

Tip #7 – “Look in the mirror.” This is the most difficult for most people. Are you being the catalyst because you simply don’t want to listen? Are you assuming a person is going to be a problem before they walk in the room? “Focus on the topic and not the messenger, and manage your own feelings.”

Tip #8 – “Look for preventative steps for the future. What can you learn from this encounter to use for next time?”

Tip #9 – “Take a course in interpersonal/conflict skills or mediation/facilitation.” Being on a board is more than just being a volunteer. These skill sets are going to help you in every aspect of your life. It is also an investment in yourself.

When you see someone as a difficult person, you need to separate the person from the issue. Rather than see the person as relentless, unbending, and set in their opinion, identify them as someone with an issue. Focus on the issue. Ask yourself if you have responded to the issue clearly. Have you listened to what the real issue is? Ask questions around it to get to the place where that person you deem as difficult finally feels heard.   CL